and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
