I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
