don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
