my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
