What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize