I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He better not be in your backpack
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
