3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Actions speak louder than pants.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
