It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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