I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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