Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
