I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
