I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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