did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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