also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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