Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
