i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
