Apparently you make a good broom.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize