she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
