Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
