this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
