No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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