dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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