I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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