We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He did a backflip because drugs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
