I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
