In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize