yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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