Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this boner is exhausting
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
