Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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