after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We need to get me chipped asap
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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