It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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