I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
