just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
