i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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