do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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