great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
