Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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