I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
