Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
