apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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