Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
