so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize