idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
