Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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