She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
