My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
