it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
