I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
