That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
