M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
