someone threw a dead crab at me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
