you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
