Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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