Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
