I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
