why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My life is pants optional.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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