Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
