i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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