if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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