got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
