if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize