I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
