PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
