The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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