dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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