The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
