he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
