I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize