soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
